Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
