Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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