and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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