roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
