she was so not down for the gang bang
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
