She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
