Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
