either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Randomize
