apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Randomize
