no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
