Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
