i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
