Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's shark week go big or go home
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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