sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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