Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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