so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
