I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
