Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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