Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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