I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
