Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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