She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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