If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
