I feel like abortions should bother me more
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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