I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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