if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
