billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
