all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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