Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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