your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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