my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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