Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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