I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
