What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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