i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
