I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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