he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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