okay pat passed out under dana's car
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize