I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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