Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
