2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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