He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
