you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
