All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
