i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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