why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize