It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
