Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize