i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
