ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize