I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
