honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize