So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
