erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
