just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
