whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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