She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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