Three words: puerto rican gang bang
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
