so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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