I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
