It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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