normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
