I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
