i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
